Definitely or Never: Which are you?

Is there a difference between “definitely” and “never”?

Both are emphatic.

Both are definitive.

Both are, if life turns out as we plan, irreversible.

Therein lies the rub.

Life often does not turn out as we plan.

I told someone the other day that I’ve never been one to answer questions with “never” or “definitely”. I like to keep my options open.

But that isn’t true. My daughter called me on it.

“You say ‘definitely’ all the time,” she said. “Sometimes I know you better than you know yourself.”

This kid. I want to write down everything she says, especially right now while she is in this weirdly clear, sage-like age between innocence and adolescence. In the moments her hormones aren’t whacked out.

I love her deeply, wildly, emphatically.

A case for “definitely”: If you’d have asked me when I was 12 whether I’d have kids one day, I’d have said, “definitely”. If you’d have asked me at 22, I’d have said “never”. At 24, barely a month into a marriage and unexpectedly pregnant, my answer was, “holy cow. ok.”

We often are powerless as to what life will bring us next. But I think the “never” decisions tend to close doors we may not have intended to close, whereas the “definitely” ones open possibilities we may not have dreamed.

If given a choice … it’s “definitely” for me.


2 thoughts on “Definitely or Never: Which are you?

  1. Pingback: The opportunity in loss « Knight Stivender's life in full

  2. I have seen that “never” seldom really means never – it just means not at this time. Parents, of all people, should no better than to say never with regard to anything.

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